Getting Ready for Bed

My wife: "Okay, time to go to the bathroom before bed..."
Daughter: "I am already going Mommy."
My Wife: "I don't hear you going to the bathroom."
Daughter: "My pee is silent Mommy."

At Our Friend's House for Dinner

My Friend Joe to My Daughter: "Can you please leave those double doors open so that we can hear you?"
My Daughter: "No.  I don't want to hear you talking anymore..."

At the Interior Decorator's Office

Upon my daughter seeing me exiting the men's room:
Daughter (to the entire store population): "Did you just go poopy Daddy?"
Me: "I just went to the bathroom sweatheart."
Daughter: "You sure took a long time..."

Getting Ready for Bed

Daughter: "Daddy, since I wear a diaper at night, it's okay if I pee in it right?"
Me: "I would prefer that you go in the potty..."
Daughter: "I pre-for to go in my diaper..."

At McDonlads

Our daughter to a woman with a short haircut: "Are you a boy?"
Short haired woman: Glare only, no response

At the Grocery Store

Our Daughter to an Older Woman: "Are you a grandma"
Unhappy Older Woman: "Yes.  Yes I am."

Guys Night Out

After a night out with the boys: "Daddy your breath smells worse than your toots!"